Waiting a toxic job out while you wait for the door to open

A Purple Life’s post, 16 Months to retirement: Discovering cracks in my favourite company, made me think about my current situation at Crazy Co.

Now, it seems almost “mean” to call my company that, but read on.

Long story short, I had a toxic boss who made my life utter hell.

But, me, being the stubborn mule that I am, refused to quit just because I’m bullied.

Fortunately, X just left the company.

Now that X is gone, things have improved quite a bit. 

I’m no longer having crying spells on the way to work or panic attacks in the toilet. I’m no longer hiding in corners of the office to avoid colleagues.

Some of the good changes:

1. Less stress 

It’s amazing what removing a bully boss can do for your mental health!! I’m myself again, able to laugh, joke and smile at work. Before, I was like a little frightened rabbit in my cubicle, trying my best to not “trigger” my boss who would get angry for the most random thing. I could  say more but I feel exhausted just thinking about it. Living with this form of … control? insanity? is not advisable to say the least!

2. I get to work from home once a week

After my boss left, I was promptly given the chance to work remotely and it has made my work life soooo much better. I work so much better from home (or at cafes!). It actually makes me more productive. Also, it’s so nice to be away from office politics.

3. My colleagues are much friendlier 

I suppose it’s what you call “guilt by association”. My boss imposed a way of working that placed our department at odds with other departments . X considered us the “watchdogs”. Naturally, this didn’t sit well with many. So most colleagues avoided me, was distant and aloof … but the moment I stood up to X, things changed. One of the ways I rebelled was to refuse to do things her way. Instead of just communicating and barking orders at people via email, I would walk to a person’s desk and talk to them about work. (Then email them, cos this office is mad about documentation lol.)

Also, I became my loud, vivacious self again.  

One of my personality type’s superpowers was that I am good with people and I am great at making people happy. Why not use it to get work done? I did, and it not only warmed me up to the other departments, it made things so much easier to do! Now I’m “part of the gang”. 

Bad things

While it’s so much better now that X is gone, things at the office are still a mess. I believe X was only a symptom of an endemic problem. To cut the story short, the company is very, very dysfunctional.

1. A culture of disrespect

Rude behaviour is tolerated and propagated by leadership. Managers are allowed to cut down and insult subordinates and other colleagues, and failure is NOT tolerated. It has created a culture of fear and wariness.

2. Reactive and chaotic

Projects are thrown on our laps at the last minute. “Scope creep” is almost always a guarantee as our leaders do not respect the parameters that were agreed upon, and keep changing their minds. Most departments don’t communicate with each other, and my department is often left picking up the pieces when things don’t work out - which means we are often scrambling to do work last minute and over the weekend.

3. Value clash

4. Oh, you’re a warm body - so do this.

At the interview, I was made to understand by X that I was being hired to do Job A. On my first day, I found out I was taking over not one, but two job scopes. The second of which I had no experience. Never mind, thought I, I’m happy to learn. Only this never stopped. Job C was added to me. Then Job D. Job E and so on. To make it all worse, no training or direction was given. 

Every task has been an exhausting, uphill battle because I had to learn how to do and execute them on my own without any help or guidance of any kind. In fact, asking for help or guidance was viewed as a weakness by my superiors, who think you should be able to “figure things out on your own because you’re a manager after all”. 

I’m the sort of person who needs to know how things are done before executing said task. Not doing it that way would be an exercise of futility as I’ll be wasting time bumbling around making mistake after mistake. Once I know the SOP, I would often tweak it to make it more efficient - that’s what i enjoy doing. But I certainly do NOT enjoy groping in the dark for answers while trying to complete something on a tight deadline.

All this is exhausting and nerve wrecking.

Still, the positive changes has bought me precious time to consider my next move. I’ve even found the strength to job search. (If my boss was still there trying her Machiavellian moves on me, you bet I’ll be out of there by yesterday.)

Many people have told me to quit without another job lined up - even my Boomer parents who worked in civil service and can’t comprehend quitting without another job. And I’m 80% in agreement with them.

But I don’t want to do that until I have exhausted all my options.

I have FI goals, and as silly as it sounds, I don’t feel it’s the right time for me to quit a job cold turkey.

My goal was to slow down my working life (Barista Fire, baby) at 45. I’m three years away, financially speaking. The goal is to work at a high-paying job for at least 3 years to sock away as much money as I can to make Barista Fire possible. I’m ALMOST there in terms of savings, but not quite there yet. If I slow down now, at my age, I’m not sure if I’ll ever meet the goal.

Also, maybe, I’m just too gritty for my own good.

But what I’m doing is this:

1. Wait for a job offer

I’ve been interviewing the last few months. NOT EASY when you are tired out from all the dysfunction and last-minute demands for deliverables. I’m currently waiting for a job offer from a company I’ve interviewed at. If this doesn’t come with a job offer, I will…

2. Stop applying for jobs and wait out until my contract ends.

Stealth job hunting is doing a number on my health. And since I am only three months away from the end of my contract, i’ll wait the contract out. I don’t plan to renew my contract. However, if things really improve, I may reconsider. (But I doubt it. I don’t think this level of dysfunction can be fixed in a couple of months.)

3. Meanwhile, take advantage of my remote working benefits

You bet I’ll be working more outside the office. The perks of my job is that it is “understood” that if you have to attend an event, you are not required to return to the office. So I’m going to take advantage of that and also work from home on my designated day.

4. The Whatever voice

I confess, I am a non-confrontational person and hate conflict. But after months of being under my toxic boss, I’ve lost the patience to put up with bad behaviour. I used to be afraid of asking for clarification or even permission to do stuff lest I trigger these folks - now I do both, expecting them to react with a tornado of cutting insults and with my inner voice going, “WHATEVER”. (That usually makes me grin, which makes some of them even madder lol)

5. Feel the fear and do it anyway

Now, when I get a task that is beyond my abilities or experience, I will shrug to myself and say, “Well, consider this an experiment. Here’s your chance to add a skillset to your resume. If you fail, so be it. You’re leaving in three months, anyway!” It has helped with my stress levels. But I suppose this is what you call “disengagement?” :P

All in all, having some financial independence has helped me cope with Crazy Co. I have funds for a year without a job, and while that’s not ideal, it’s still something for me to tide things by while I find a healthier place to work in. That keeps a bunch of stress away.

That's why I paid off all my debts and saved a bunch of money - to prepare for a day like this.

PS: This article has been edited.