Was reading 76k Project's post, Coping with my job while I'm searching for my unicorn, and I'm thinking - wow, this is totally where I'm at right now.
I've been attending job interviews - some of them at prestigious companies that I never thought would look my way. I have had headhunters coming towards me offering me opportunities. Yesterday, I bumped into an old boss who offered me the chance to return to the Good Ol' Company part time.
I'm really blessed, honestly. But I'm finding it all very draining and exhausting.
In fact, when these HR folks/recruiters called me, my first reaction is often irritation.
Why are they calling me now? Why do they insist I can only interview on that day? Do they think i can just take leave like that? What? I have to do yet another proposal to show my worth and expertise? Don't they realise these proposals take two days to prepare, and I am doing this after my full-time, demanding job?
I'm exhausted.
Exhausted of Crazy Company's toxic dramas. Exhausted by the demands of these maybe-my-future-employers.
Fill 10000 forms. Send us your proposal. Make sure you're on time for your interview!
Meanwhile, Crazy Company is as disorganised and chaotic as ever. There's a new demand every day, another unclear, undefined project with an unrealistic timeline lobbed my way. What? You have no experience doing this and you need some guidance? Too bad. Figure it out. But we need it in two weeks, 'kay? No excuses. Or else.
I've tried meditating. Walks. Journalling. Saying no. Hiding in cafes to do my work. Working from home whenever I can.
But I still wake up exhausted and with an aching body. I still battle insomnia and anxiety attacks. I still cry on the way to work sometimes.
Truth is, I think I'm in full-scale burnout mode, and I need to leave this job 100% before I find another. I'm going for interviews with panda eyes for goodness sakes.
So, I've decided, no matter what the outcome of these jobs I'm applying for, I'm quitting my job at the end of the month.
Originally, I wanted to stay on until after June 18 because I'm being sent on a course that I really want to take, but my Mum is actually urging me to quit for my health.
My Baby Boomer mum who thinks it's unfathomable to quit without another job lined up.
"You have us, honey. What are you worried about? I'm worried for you - this job is so bad for your health!"
Having my parents validate me and say that they'll feed me when I'm jobless is validating and very reassuring, hah.
Thank God for my parents, really.
And oddly, my best friend resigned without a job last Thursday. Somehow her brave actions is making me bolder too.
So here's the date: Ideal date - June 18. But most probably I'll be resigning by end of the month.
With or without a job lined up.
Wish me luck.
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