Remember my very first post?
Where I said I wished someone would fire me?
Well, it came true.
Originally, this post was supposed to be about my Barista FIRE plans. I had this detailed plan on how I was going to achieve Barista FIRE in a few years, but well, things are now in the dumpster fire now, so to speak.
A few days after I wrote my previous post, my boss told me that she was not pleased with my work and that she's planning to put me on a performance improvement plan. It didn't matter that she said this 3 months after confirming me, after telling me that I was a reliable and dependable worker, though I have weaknesses she hoped to improve in a year. It is what it is.
She told me bluntly that I was a bad fit for the job. And I actually agreed with her.
It was true - the company was a bad fit for me.
For the last few months, I tried to convince myself that this company would be workable. In many ways, it could be. The culture at large was supportive, but my department's culture was not.
I tried to tell myself that it wasn't as toxic as my previous company's. That I could manage it. But really, it is impossible to please a boss that is impossible to please. At work, I was always on an edge, always afraid that I'll be making a mistake or say or do something that will put me in the wrong light. I have colleagues who can't wait to pounce on me for some carelessly uttered word or even a word uttered in jest. All will be used against me - they told my boss what I did or said. My boss pitted one team against another. It was a mess.
Also, the training that I thought I would be given was non-existent. I was told to "look into folders" to get an idea how the team worked. As a newbie, I asked a lot of questions - but was shocked when, a month in, I was told I asked too many "stupid questions". Left on my own, without the guidance of seniors, I tried to learn up on my own as fast as I could, but the learning curve was just too steep. Without help, it would be nigh impossible to get to speed fast enough to please them.
I found the working environment cold. Nobody spoke to each other at work. We worked in robotic silence, our conversations taking place in chatrooms. My boss didn't like me walking around too much as it gave the impression that "I had little work to do". I felt stifled, on guard, suppressed. This was a complete 180 from the work environment I was happiest at - in Ye Olde company where we would casually drop by at a colleague's desk to chat about cat videos and trade nibbles.
I knew it was not a healthy place for me. But I thought that all I needed to do was put my head down and work hard. But despite working really, really hard, it was just not enough. My boss wanted a certain kind of person in my role. And I didn't want to conform.
Unlike the US, it's not terribly easy to fire a confirmed employee. The company has to demonstrate that they've tried their best to "rehabilitate" said employee. There needs to be industry inquiries, three warning letters and yes, a performance improvement plan (PIP).
My boss tells me that she is thinking of putting me on a PIP. The reasons why she's putting me on one is flimsy at best, and the areas I'm supposed to improve on are subjective and not measurable. (Improve "independence and resourcefulness". How do you measure those?)
She's trying to push me out of the door. But I'm not going to stay and fight. I'm taking this is as a blessing that I'm now given a sign from above to finally live the life I've always wanted.
So last week, I gave up on this job. I'm no longer invested in improving or learning as much as I can. Nor am I emotionally tied to it any longer. I'm just going to do the minimum to get by until I slap them with my resignation letter when the time comes.
I'm mostly mad that this has derailed my plans to Barista FIRE in 2-3 years. But perhaps this is not the end of the world. Ever since I came across The Fioneers' post about Slow FI, I am starting to think of it as a viable option. Perhaps I do not need to race towards financial independence. Perhaps I can even take a break.
I'm just grateful that I have a healthy emergency fund and a number of things I'd like to do during my down time.
I'm not going to rush into getting another job.
I'm going to finish my writing projects and kickstart my long-neglected authorpreneur business.
I'm going to use this time to reflect on what kind of work would make me happy.
I'm thinking of setting up a business and even going into training.
I'm thinking of networking intensively, informational interviewing my way to a new job as outlined in the book, Designing Your Life.
I'm going to write about these interviews on my blog and even start a podcast.
And I can do all this because I have a healthy emergency fund.
Meanwhile, I am actually making arrangements to set up my life, the life that I have always wanted to live.
I'll keep you updated.
