Is it too late for me to Slow FI? And three friends in my life that are doing it

Could this be me one day?

Slow FI is a rather new concept to me. Until I stumbled on a post about it at Jess' blog, The Fioneers, I've been on the "traditional", Mr. Money Moustache path to financial independence - save like hell and pull the plug as early as I can.

The journey has not been a happy one. Since 2015, I've had a string of jobs with fancy titles and great pay with awful conditions that wrecked my mental health. (You've read about my ordeal with Crazy Co, haven't you?) But I tell myself to grin and bear it because that's what you do to FI. You suck it up and save.

The idea of "enjoying" the journey to financial independence seemed like an impossible, unrealistic dream to me. While I really liked the idea of Slow FI, I felt that I couldn't pull it off because:

1. I live in Asia - good part-time jobs are not in great supply. (They rather make you work full-time and milk the hell out of you. But maybe I'm not looking for these jobs hard enough.)

2. I started my FI journey late - in my mid 30s and am now almost 45. I don't think I have the luxury of time on my side. I needed that stable high income to pump into my retirement accounts.

But do I, really?

Because I have friends in my life that are showing me that life could be lived differently.

Penny*
Penny was my former colleague at Ye Olde company who up and left to start her own freelancing business. ("I was only earning $2k then. I felt like I had nothing to lose!") It's been 10 years now and she's immensely happy with her decision, even if her life may not live up to the materialistic standards of metropolitan Asia. She doesn't have an expensive condo to her name, recently lost her husband (so no second income). Yet, she doesn't think much about the money in her retirement accounts - she just lives day by day. Her freelance life is made possible by her simple lifestyle - she rents a room and lives on just $1000 a month. Yet, she's the happiest and most serene person I know.

Briony*
My close pal Briony always takes a mini career break every six years. One of her career breaks lasted a year, and she was able to do it because she house sat for a family for a year - so her accommodation was free for that period. Her career break wasn't planned - her contract wasn't renewed. However, she took it as a great opportunity to rest and recalibrate. So, she volunteered during that time and rested. She's currently on yet another career break. She spent a month in England, and is now slowly looking for work. It's been 4 months and she doesn't seem to be in any hurry to get another job!

Elaine*
After a string of bad jobs, Elaine gave up on pursuing a steady, full-time job in corporate-land and decided to freelance. She only had 2 months of savings when she did that (not a great idea, she said, but she felt like she had no choice). She said it was the best decision of her life. She loved the flexibility and the ability to call her own shots. I've always admired Elaine's entrepreneurial spirit. Elaine's back in the full-time job market because of family commitments, but she says that she won't hesitate to return to that life if given the chance.

* Not their real names

If you could Slow FI, what would you do? Travel more? Volunteer?

Technically, my friends are Slow FI. They are financially responsible, live mostly frugal lives but live life on their own terms. They may not have the fat corporate paychecks, but they have an abundance of time and autonomy.

Are they able to pull it off cos they are super wealthy or have rich husbands?

No. Penny, as I said, doesn't have property. Briony still has mortgage bills to pay and her previous employer wasn't a great paymaster - her pay was always late! Elaine rents a $1.8k apartment (the usual rate in the city) and recently sold her car to pay off credit card debts.

What they have is a strong determination to live life on their own terms and to put their healths, sanity and well-being first.

And I'm starting to ask myself: If they could do this, why not me? Why not now?

Some things in my favour:

• A paid-off apartment that is pulling me rental income of $1.8k a month, enough to cover my basic expenses.
• 12 months' emergency fund in the bank
• I can live rent-free for a few months

In a previous post, I said that I only wanted to Barista Fire when I'm 45 - that's about two years away. The idea was to save like mad the next two years and then step down to a slower schedule.

If you've been following my Twitter feed, you'll realise that there's something "off" about my new job at GC. I won't go into details because, frankly, I'm plain fed up by the corporate bullshit that is going on and I'm also not sure if it's my paranoia speaking and I'm jumping to conclusions.

But yes, I'm asking myself - if I have to Slow FI earlier than planned, can I pull it off?

What do you think?

Mental health and personal finances

I've just started my new job at GC, and for a few weeks I was "cautiously hopeful". It's a Google-esque company. Wine and food is served during town hall meetings, there's a games room on the three floors we occupy in the building and staff often sit at the many balconies of the office. Did I mention that we are in the penthouse of a massive office building and have killer views of the city?

After years in barely optimal working environments, it felt like I had finally arrived. But I knew better than most that pretty offices can still hide dark secrets. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So there's a side of me that's always looking around for danger. It found something this week.

The work at GC has mostly been challenging but interesting but the learning curve is steep. There's just a mindblowing amount of things to learn to fully grasp my job that at times I wondered if I can ever show any competency at the end of my 3-month probationary period. Up till the end of last month, I felt that  I was managing my work at a comfortable pace. But suddenly this week, work ramped up double speed and I had perplexing feedback from my boss. She said that I seemed "uncertain" and "unsure" and the she hoped that she wasn't mistaken when she saw that go getter person during the job interview. Did she even exist? she seemed to be asking.

I felt blindsided by the remark. First, what in the world am I going to do with that? Isn't a newbie supposed to be unsure? Should I pretend that I've gotten the hang of things? Fake it to put everyone at ease? I felt the hot tide of anxiety came rushing back, wrapping its tentacles around my chest.

You're going to be fired, I'm sure of it, whispered the voice.

Worse, all this was happening while I battled some health issues that left in my chronic pain for weeks. It was so tough to be positive and peppy when you feel like your head is going to explode from all the information you're cramming into it, managing a tough project, feeling stabbing pains throughout the day and trying to cover up my feelings.

There's a shadow lurking in my life now, making it hard for me to 100% enjoy where I am in the present.

Anxiety.

I was caught off guard when I was hit by a wave of anxiety in August, what was supposed to be my month off. I worried incessantly about the state of my finances. And mind you, I think I'm better off than most.

I was flummoxed when paralysing panic hit me when I got stumped at work over a tough project and my "happy" mask slipped and my boss saw my anxious side.

You're going to be fired! You're going to be jobless and you're going to be a pauper!

Since this is an anon blog, I can go ahead and say that I have $60k in savings, $85k spread out in various investments and $300k in my retirement fund. My paid off property is worth $450k. I have a networth of about $895k. (PS: It's not in US dollars, but it's still a healthy sum.) While I definitely need up to beef up my investments, it's not an unhealthy sum by any means.

Yet, I still don't feel "safe".

In many ways, I'm mad at myself. Absolutely mad.

I actually began the personal finance journey because of anxiety. I had felt so worried about my finances that I actually convinced myself that when I was debt free, I can finally be released from the anxiety. But when that didn't happen, I said, okay, I'll feel safe when I have $50k in savings. When that was achieved and my anxiety remained, I said, hey maybe steady stream of money coming in every month from dividend investing would perk things up?

But when I calculated how much I would need to do that, my heart just sank. That's a long time to go to feel "safe".

Yup, I know I have a rather unhealthy relationship with money - the fact that I would repeatedly stay in toxic jobs just to save money is a sign, but I'm really not sure what to do about it.

All I can do after my latest panic episode was to call my career coach to discuss strategies on how to do my upcoming performance review with my boss without falling to pieces. I've also started sessions with a promising psychologist, so I'm trying to deal with my anxiety as best as I could.

Sleep more, says my therapist.

Yeah... trying sleeping through an anxiety episode....

But really, I'm tired of my overactive amygdala - if there was a pill to calm it the fuck down, I'd pay big dollars for it.

Uhm, yeah, so how was your week?