Mini Career Break Report #2: Face the financial fear and do it anyway

I wish I had money to burn.

"You are a curious creature," said my friend R yesterday. "It's as if you want to be a Type B person, but you're constantly in Type A mode instead."

My friend's astute observation came after watching me scurry around to banks, lawyers, rental property and government offices for 7 days. Instead of resting after my two-week Aussie vacation, I decided to do as much as I can so that my remaining 5 weeks would be a breezy one.

As usual, in my zealousness, I've crammed way too many to-do items into my schedule. And almost everything on my to-do list are things I detest/dread doing.

And they are:

Dealing with rental property 

I have a small apartment that earns me $1.8k of rental income a month, but it's by no means passive income. Recently, I got a new batch of tenants and they were complaining about the mess the previous tenant had left behind. 

To my horror, when I went over to inspect the property, I discovered broken furniture, stained mattresses and numerous plumbing an lighting problems. So, I had the stuff hauled away for $350 and engaged my usual Fix-It Man to fix things up. Ouch.

My problem was that I had not done regular inspections to the place so I didn't realise how bad things had gotten.

Also, I didn't have a proper system in place to manage the place. For one (and please don't keel over in shock), I don't even have keys to the apartment or keep a ledger, so I don't know who paid what when.

So I spent a few more days creating a digital system, made copies of the keys and an excel sheet.

Lawyerly stuff. Had some documents certified copied. I generally detest dealing with lawyers in general, but it had to be done, sigh.

Obtain online accounts for my retirement account (Note: I'm not American, so it's not Roth IRA) and mutual fund accounts so that I can better keep track of them. I kept meaning to get the online access but my life had been topsy turvy since 2012 because I moved countries, changed jobs 3x and more. This is the first time in a long while that I could take a breather to do this!

Rebalanced my mutual fund accounts as it had waaaay too much equity investments for my liking. Furthermore, 1/3 of my retirement funds were in mutual funds, and it made me incredibly nervous that they were in high-risk investment vehicles. (In my country, we are allowed to transfer some of our retirement funds to private mutual funds. I discovered, to my dismay, that if I had left my money where it was, it would have netted me way more in dividends.) 

My investments barely rose in the 6 years I've left it in mutual funds, which broke my heart. During some years, I actually LOST money. However,  I think I'm lucky as many people actually ended up losing a lot of money transferring their money to private mutual funds. Why? Well, in my country mutual funds have very high fees - 5%-8% sales charge for the initial investment and 1.1% management fees yearly! 

Fortunately, the government recently released a platform that would allow investors to invest in mutual funds with 0-0.5% sales charge, but I'm now leery of mutual funds as it's far too volatile for me and I hate playing around with my retirement fund income.

Upgrade my medical insurance
My policy is literally 10 years old and it's time to upgrade it!

These squiggly lines might as well be Greek to me!

Doing all this "money stuff" was necessary as I've put it off for far too long, but was extremely stressful for me. In fact, my eczema made an unpleasant reappearance this week after a blissful month of dormancy. -_-.

See, I may be an accomplished "pay off my debt" Queen and I'm awfully good at saving my pennies, but I'm terrible at the investment part of the Financial Independence equation.

Why?

I'm absolutely terrified of investing.

Like "lie awake at night" kind of terrified. Like pop-Xanax-to-relax kind of terror.

I suspect I have financial fear, the kind that is bordering on pathological.

I live in fear of making a financial mistake that would ruin my life.

I relate to the writer of the article, Are You Ready to Finally Let Go of Financial Fear?, when she said:

No matter how much money I had in the bank. I still had foreboding money issues.

See, I may not be a millionaire, but I am debt free, have 2 years' worth of emergency fund, a paid-off home, passive income that will sustain me if I'm out of a job and an okay (though not great) amount in my retirement accounts ... and I still feel like my world is going to collapse any moment. I thought I'd be happy once I got all these sorted out ... but no, I'm still trapped by financial fear. And it's getting fucking frustrating.

My Financial Fear is probably due to several reasons:

• My initial forays into investing have been challenging. My property, for one, had been fraught with legal problems since day 1. If I had a choice, I'd get rid of it to get rid of the bad memories, but the sales tax would rob me of any gains I'd get from selling the place. My mutual funds have also not performed well; I had better luck with cash deposits!
• For too long I let others manage my money. First, it was my parents who insisted I buy property at 23. They did help me with the downpayment, but I wasn't psychologically ready to own property and the complications that came with it. It also ended up ensnaring me in a legal battle that lasted 5 years. Then, it was fund managers who told me what to do, and me, trusting that they knew best, just signed on the dotted line.
• I have no idea what to do to ensure I have a good retirement. Am I on the right track? Am I desperately behind? I have no idea. I want to increase my net worth, but I have no idea how. Much of the information out there is US-based, and it's tough to find good reference material/courses about investing in my country, so I feel like I'm throwing out money in the dark, hoping that it would land somewhere good. (Most of the time, it didn't!)
• I probably inherited my dad's chronic anxiety over finances. I grew up watching my dad fretting over money. He generally had a very fearful approach to finance and setbacks. Once, when he was laid off, he moped around for months, saying that he was afraid of ending up in the poorhouse. The thing was, due to his careful money management, his properties were nearly paid off, he had a pool of emergency funds and to top it all of, he was getting a sizeable government pension. Plus, us kids were already working and independent. Yet, my Dad behaved as if it was the end of the world. Investing? He thinks they are of the devil, so I was repeatedly warned throughout my life against investing in anything other than cash deposits! I really can't blame my dad, however. When he was a young boy, his dad became a drug addict and his family literally went from riches to rags. Growing up that way would have made him very, very cautious and fearful of financial setbacks. Still, I suppose all this had an effect on me and I grew up thinking of money as a fearsome, unfathomable beast that cannot be harnessed.

When it came to investing, I always feel like I'm in the dark, shooting blind.

So, yeah, while some folks actually get excited experimenting with their finances, I pretty much hate it.

And what do I do when I hate doing things? Well, I avoid them.

Over the years, my financial issues just grew and grew and grew and I ended up with lost investments, damaged furniture and sleepless nights.

Denial is not a strategy, folks.

So, I'm over it. I want to banish Financial Fear from my life.


What I'm doing to overcome the fear

1. Study up
Things have improved, education-wise, in my country - so I'm studying the basics of investing in vehicles like REITS, Peer to Peer lending and bonds via blogs and books as much as I can.

2. Get professional advice
Fortunately, the government actually has retirement specialists who can sit down with me to talk about strategy etc. So I hope to get some kind of proper direction and advice on how to increase my retirement savings - I've made an appointment for next Tuesday.

3.  Be informed before I invest
My "investing & hope for the best" strategy, has got to go. I listened far too much to "trusted advisors" and friends because I found the numbers confusing. From now on, I plan to study an investment before even thinking about investing in it.

4. Therapy
Maybe I have some PTSD due to all the financial challenges that my family and I faced throughout the years. I'm not sure how much talk therapy can help, but I have to acknowledge that it has gotten so bad that my health is affected because I ruminate far too much about it.

5. Experiment little by little
I think the only way to invest is to do some "exposure" therapy. I'm going to start with small amounts, and as I gain confidence, add more.

How about you? Do you deal with Financial Fear? Are you trying to shake off the legacy of your family's attitude towards money?

Mini Career Break report #1: Australian vacation money diaries

Melbourne's Southbank is a great place for an evening stroll & dinner.

Well, it's been awhile. Truth to be told, I had every intention to blog while I was in Australia, but my old travel laptop had other ideas - it refused to connect to the Internet. (I suppose it wanted me to have a digital detox too - thanks, lappie!) So I spent two weeks just, well, enjoying myself.

This two-week vacation has been the best thing I've ever done for myself - hands down. Originally, I planned to be there only 10 days, then I thought, what the heck, make it 14 days since I'd lose 2 days travelling anyway! I went there mostly as a solo traveller, though a friend joined me on the Melbourne leg of the trip.

On the whole, this vacation was mega expensive by my standards, but every dime has been worth it. I thought it would be fun to show you how much I spent for my break down under. (For the sake of simplicity, the costs will be in Australian dollars.)

Grange beach in Adelaide. One of the more underrated beaches there. Everyone goes to Glenelg, but at Grange, you can have a quieter time soaking in the scenery and the old beach homes along the coast.

First, why Australia?
To be honest, if I had a choice, I wouldn't pick Australia as my "holiday destination to recover from my extremely toxic job". Yes, it's expensive - but that's not the reason. The truth is, Australia is the land where I experienced my biggest successes ... and also my biggest disappointments, some of which hurts till this day. I was worried that I'll be spending my precious vacation time being sad and regretful as I remembered old hurts and thought about what ifs, and I'm already emotionally wrung out from 2.5 years of toxic workplaces. But I have many friends there too, I've loose ends to tie up and I'm determined not to let the past stop me. Also, this 5-week break was a rare opportunity - I'm not sure when I'll get it again.

First, I visited Adelaide - where I had lived for almost 3 years. Then, Melbourne, my most favourite city in the world (and which I've visited so many times that I walk around the CBD like a native.)

Richmond Hotel, Adelaide. I absolutely adored my room.

Accommodation - about A$750
I've always been a frugal traveller - opting to crash in hostels or with friends than hotels. But this time around, I said to myself, nah - the last thing I wanted to do was to be trapped in a hostel room with strangers who have smelly shoes and socks (true story - happened to me one trip).

I was super lucky to stumble across two great deals. The first was Richmond Hotel in Adelaide. The room went for A$99 per night. I stared at the figure, wondering if it was a joke because the Richmond was a 4 star hotel right in the heart of Adelaide's Rundle Mall, its shopping district. It usually went for at least A$200 or more. It's location was ideal for folks like me who prefer to explore the city by foot and public transport because it was near all the major trams.

I booked two nights there and it was awesome, simply awesome. My room was not a pokey little hole in some basement but a large, expansive room with a plush Queen-sized bed, a bathtub, and get this - a private courtyard. The only disadvantage was that it was located near an event hall and it got noisy at one point, but the hotel was kind enough to close the soundproofed double-doors for me to get some quiet.

 The ibis Styles Kingsgate hotel in Melbourne.

The next find was ibis Styles Kingsgate in Melbourne. It was a budget place, but my room certainly didn't feel budget even if it had an exciting view of a construction site. I spent less than $99 per night on this place and spent about 6 nights there. My room was indeed a pokey little room on the ground floor, but it was a comfortable, well-appointed and tastefully furnished pokey little room and I love it. Especially since it came with Netflix!

I did, however, stayed with friends in Adelaide for about 4 nights. I found that while I saved a tonne of money, I didn't enjoy being shackled in the suburbs and also living around my friends' timetables, though I loved spending time with my friends.

Food & Beverages - A$600 

The sashimi is so darn fresh!

I've never been able to economise when it comes to eating out, and it's the same while on holiday - especially in Melbourne where there are so many amazing good restaurants around! We were extremely lucky that we somehow ended up eating at yummy places, but each visit cost around A$30 at least for food & coffee. It sure added up. But lordie, the coffee & hot chocolate in Melbourne! There's just no words for it.

I was more frugal in Adelaide. Having lived there for years, I've been there done that so to speak, so I often bought ready-to-eat food from Woolies (Woolworths), and that's relatively cheap - about A$5-6 per meal.

Great Ocean Road day tour - A$120

The Rainforest along the Great Ocean Road 

I'm not a tour group person. I hate being herded from one place to another, being told that I only have 40 minutes in one spot or to have toilet breaks planned for me, but I wasn't bold enough to drive down the Great Ocean Road (GOR) myself. (I once got lost while on a road trip in Thailand and it wasn't fun.)

All in all, I thought this tour was really worth it - they picked us up from a hotel near ours at 7am and proceeded to herd us from landmark to landmark. The sights along GOR are indeed as gorgeous and as magnificent as they say. Since we travelled down this stretch of road during winter, it was cold as fuck (okay, probably a nice Spring day for those used to more arctic temperatures). But the benefit of it was that we avoided the Summer crush of crowds and avoided long ass queues.

My favourite stop had to be the Rainforest. We took a 40-minute walk in there, and honestly I could've spent a day there as it was so darn beautiful inside.

Was the tour worth it? Yes - though I wished I could've stayed at least an hour in a seaside town we stopped for lunch at one point. Was it enjoyable? Mostly. I had to share the van with a bunch of extremely noisy Italians though, and as a person who have extremely low tolerance for noise, it was hellish.

So if I were to do the GOR again, it would be a self-drive, with a stay of a few nights in one of the seaside towns.

The Twelve Apostles. Photos can't really do it justice.

Shopping - A$100
Fortunately, as a minimalist, I hardly shopped for things there, though I succumbed to a few books (mostly journals) and a travel bag that I have been looking for. Also, when you live in the land of shopping malls, Australia frankly doesn't hold anything interesting for me. But I could've bought way more books if they were more affordable! Books are shockingly expensive in Australia, ranging from A$23-A$30, so while I saw many Aussie books I'd love to read, I just couldn't justify spending that much moolah on them.

Transportation in Australia - A$120
I walked or used the free tram to travel around the Adelaide & Melbourne CBDs, so transportation within the city was free. We used the Skybus to get to and fro the airport, and it was very convenient not to mention cheaper when booked via the app, Klook. However, on our last day, we decided to hire a cab to the airport and was dinged with a surcharge when the hotel booked us the wrong time. The cabbie ended up waiting half an hour for us and we were charged for that. Sobs. Most expensive cab ride ever!

Grange beach, Adelaide

Flight tickets - A$800
I used budget airlines. It was ... not very comfortable as I was plagued by screaming children both flights. But you gotta do what you gotta do! I booked return tickets to Australia, and also used domestic budget airlines to travel from Melbourne to Adelaide as the airline didn't fly direct to Adelaide. I used Tiger Air, which had an apparently notorious reputation of never being on time, but I was lucky as both flights were on time for mine. Phew!

I did consider about using a non-budget airline to fly to Australia, but it was almost 50% more expensive to fly to Melbourne using a regular commercial airline. I made the decision to channel the savings I got using budget flights to my accommodation. Best decision ever!

So how did I pay for it all?
I usually save 40% of my salary. So in May & June, I stopped saving and paid for the flight, Skybus transport and accommodation costs using parts of my May and June salary. I still have about A$600 on my card to pay off from the expenses I racked up in Australia.

I could easily use my savings to pay it off, but I'm thinking of using my first paycheck from the new company to pay it completely off because I dislike the hassle of digging into my savings.

But knowing me, I'll probably pay it off as I hate seeing my credit card balance balloon!

How do I feel after the vacation?
Wonderful. Absolutely, wonderful! The two weeks was worth every penny because for a while, all I had to focus on was to enjoy myself. It was amazing not to wake up with dread, wondering how I could meet an impossible deadline, realising that that horrible bit of my work life is now behind me.

I'm not completely 100% recovered, though, as my nerves as still easily worked up and I still have weird nightmares about work. (True story - on my first day in Australia, I had a dream where a former boss called me to yell: "Why are you not at work?!")

It may be the most expensive holiday I've ever had, but this holiday was the best thing I've done to pamper, nourish, celebrate myself.

No regrets!

Hosier Lane, Melbourne, is where you can find a lane full of wall art.

So, what do you think? Have you taken a holiday during your a career break? Do share!